What I now realize is that to live, is not an easy task. When you have to face a two hour exam, only your performance in that period is being counted towards your final mark. Your examiner wouldn't care about any mistakes that you've done while doing your exercises at home.
But when you live for an average of 60 or 70 odd years, everything that you do during your whole lifetime will be counted, when God wants decide whether you should be placed in the heaven or hell.
I certainly know what I am going to do if I am just gonna live for the next few years. But if I were to live any longer, this sadness may not be tolerable any further.
If I may ask God only one thing, I would ask Him, if he would forgive me the sin of committing suicide, just to spare me from having to bear this living hell.