Sunday, 29 July 2012

Pain

This pain, will always be with me, it's excruciating, it's very painful, it's nothing like they could feel, it's nothing like they could imagine. I was a man full of optimism, believing that there's nothing I could not do, no obstacles I could not overcome. But now, all of that have been all but disappeared in its entirety.

Over and over, I am being crushed to pieces, only to gather them slowly and rise again, waiting for the time when I wish I'd better off be dead, yet again. It's endless pain, God, truly I don't understand You.

I shall remain to be truly what I am, not what I am not. I shall live to be what I want to be, and I shall apologize to nobody for doing the right thing. I shall create my own rules, and shall not care about what cultural and ideological bullshits have to say about them.

Sometimes, I do think of the easy way to end this suffering. Sometimes it's unbearable, I just can't stop crying. But only because I have obligations over here, I can't bring myself to do it and leave my loved ones in great despair.

Five years of waiting and hoping only to see nothing changes, I ask God, where art Thou?

Where art thou? Where art Thou when I've been waiting for You? All this time? You're unfair to me, completely unfair.

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