Sunday, 6 May 2012

Bipolar Disorder, Dual Personalities?

A few days ago I realized how contrasting I can be at times. In front of my colleagues, friends and almost everyone else, I always try to wear my best "mask", to be enthusiastic, excited, happy-go-lucky, confident at just anything being thrown at me.

But honestly, it is not like that all time. I do have episodes of feeling utterly stressful at things, helpless, having inferiority complex and so on. But many people are not aware of them because I tried to keep most of those to myself. Every so often, I break down in tears, while sitting down in the corner of my room and smoke till I get myself composed again. (nicotine, a powerful medicine indeed)

I am a very pessimistic and self-critical when I am alone, but on the other extreme of optimism when I am around others. I put a mask so well, that sometimes I may seem to be a very cocky, inconsiderate bastard who thinks little about insecurities that others have.

Since I started learning philosophy, I have become more care-free, I just couldn't care less about what people think or say of me. Whatever that I have in my mind, I just frankly say it out loud which may possibly be detrimental to my relationship with others.

Obviously for some people, I have rather turned to be very annoying. I do realize I need to change this, I must. :)

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