My idea of rules is that they exist, to be followed, not to be freely broken. I don't believe in a carefree world, in doing anything that one wants, in not taking responsibilities in what one does. I believe that in the long term, rules will benefit oneself, they will eventually make one happy and peaceful, though one may greatly suffer in the short term. I feel confident in doing many things because I believe that I have already had the most difficult moments, there is nothing that can break me anymore. Unfortunately that belief has somehow made me so arrogant, overconfident at times, and not caring whether things that I do are right or wrong.
I realized the times when I was irrational or emotional, and I wonder why the self was so weak and followed the mind in its fragile state. I wonder why the self did not rebel against the mind, and did the right thing.
As one becomes older, I believe one should become wiser, more responsible, especially towards oneself. I have failed my own promise, oh God I feel shame, guilt.