I don’t understand this thing called philosophy of life, or religion or whatever you may name it. I feel like a robot with no purpose of life. I am tired of having breakdown of will every so often, crying that will change nothing. If there is a way out, why still I couldn’t f**king find it? What the f**k am I suppose to be doing? What else that have I not done? Why on earth did all my hard effort lead to f**king nothing? This has gone from bad to worse or whatever. I don’t know if I will be able to survive this anymore.