Sunday, 22 May 2011

Limbo

For the past two or three days, I’d been lost in a limbo, trying to find the purpose of my life. Losing it affected me so much, because I just cannot bear living without one. Last night, after a long conversation with a friend, I was not convinced, still very much a pessimist.

I’m fairly certain that I can’t be helped, extrapolating 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, etc into the future and the end result would’ve been the same. How do I know for sure, you may ask? Statistics, science and history all tell me the same thing, that I’m pretty much a f**ked up and helpless loser. And I don’t believe in miracle, so that’s out of question.

This morning when I woke up, then something got onto my mind. Although, there is nothing that I can do to change my life, I may still have the capacity to perhaps change someone else’s. I can always help those who need what I can give.

I need an end reason, a purpose to stay working hard for I just cannot continue doing something when I know that I’m not gonna change anything for the better. Indeed, it is and always be true that I no longer able to help myself, but I will put my effort to help others. That’s gonna be my philosophy of life from the time being. And hoping that, I will not again lose this one.  

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