He is kind of giving in, but not quite,
he is half alive, but only on the outside,
he is half dead, but only on the inside.
Perhaps, that is just how it meant to be. Just maybe, that is how things are supposed to work, but still he wonders.
Others give in to what is apparent and clear, they stop looking for something that might not exist after all. He beg to differ, to be different, and is willing to suffer for being so.